Haylie Duff is surrounded by babies and fellow parents, but wishes everyone would keep to their own business just a little bit more.
“All my friends have tiny little babies right now and when you go to a birthday party, the dads will be like, ‘What a beautiful baby! Are you breastfeeding?’” the mother of 15-month-old daughter Ryan recently told Us Weekly. “I’m like, ‘That’s not a normal question. That’s not an OK question.'”
The Real Girls Kitchen star, who is set to marry entrepreneur Matt Rosenberg, knows breastfeeding can be tricky. Haylie nursed her baby girl exclusively for almost seven months, when a case of food poisoning wiped out her milk supply.
“That was awful. It was really hard for me,” the sister of Hilary Duff recalled. “I finally gave her a bottle of [Similac] … and there was no turning back. You shouldn’t be ashamed to formula feed.”
Although it’s not quite clear to me if Haylie Duff only takes issue with dads asking about breastfeeding (or if she doesn’t experience fellow moms inquiring as often), I’m inclined to agree with her stance the question is not advisable.
I imagine anyone who asks it is likely just trying to make conversation and has the best of intentions, but the receiver can often feel put in the hot seat. I know this because it’s happened to me.
Both of my boys were breastfed for months (the first for 11 months, the second for closer to 6 months), but when asked about my second son nursing after we’d stopped I felt inadequate. I felt as though I had to explain things and make it justifiable that he had begun taking a bottle. The people asking probably didn’t really care, but the question made me sweat.
These days I very rarely ask a mom if she’s breastfeeding. Honestly, the only time I can recall doing it in years was with my sister-in-law, whom I have a close enough relationship that I think it was OK. She’s struggled with nursing before and knows me well enough to know I have an any-fed-baby-is-fine-by-me policy.
Other than that though, you won’t find me talking breastfeeding unless the other party gets the conversation started on her own.
Do you think it’s OK to ask a mom if she’s breastfeeding? Have you gotten that question, and how did it make you feel?
Join the conversationPhoto: Unimedia Images/REX/Shutterstock
More celebrity moms talking breastfeeding troubles:
"I had my heart set on breastfeeding, but I wasn't producing enough milk," Kelly Rowland told Parents magazine after welcoming her first child, a son named Titan. Sharing she eventually supplemented with formula, the singer added, "I got down on myself, which I think was mentally limiting my supply."
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"I did nipple shields, nipple guards, supplemental nursing system, it was horrible," Molly Sims said while opening up about trying to feed her son -- who was born with a tooth -- during an appearance on Anderson Live. "He was literally like a vampire on me for three months; it was unbelievable. Cut to: I'm not breastfeeding and I'm proud of it."
"When Brooks was born, my milk never came in, and I tried to breastfeed for three months," the model mom shared during another interview. "I felt awful and ashamed. I wanted to breastfeed because it’s so good for the baby, so I worked with a lactation specialist. After three months, she said, ‘You’re done. You don’t have any milk.’ I’ll try breastfeeding again, but if it doesn’t work, I won’t push it."
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"You feel guilty about every single thing, every decision you make, everything you do," Carrie Underwood told People while opening up about being a new mom to Isaiah.
When asked about breastfeeding the singer shared she was trying to keep it up for "as long as I can take it. It’s hard. My supply is pretty nil. We have to supplement with formula. I’m doing the best that I can, you know?"
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"I’m 10% breastfeeding now," Bethenny Frankel told Parade in 2010, when her daughter Bryn was 3 months old. "And I feel guilty about that and like a failure."
When Bryn was just a few weeks old, Bethenny revealed that breastfeeding was “the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life."
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"For me, I had to have a a breast reduction in my early 20s and at that time I couldn't even fathom having children," Ricki Lake explained while talking about her breastfeeding experience with The Stir.
"I was able to breastfeed but not solely, I had to supplement. I had to have a lactation specialist come to my home and help me. I could afford one, but it was not easy for me.
"I remember feeling disappointed, like my body failed me in some way. It was hard for me. With my second son in 2001, I had donated breast milk from people sent to me in weekly jars."
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"It went without saying that I would breastfeed my kid," Elisa Donovan told People in 2014.
"I was utterly and completely unprepared for the reality that I couldn’t do it. Not only was it not working, and excruciatingly painful for me beyond anything imaginable (yes, even beyond the pain of labour), I also realised that (wait for it, this is gonna be a doozy) … I HATED IT."
The actress went on to say, "Everyone is well aware of the benefits of breastfeeding, and there is a plethora of information out there in support of it. Yet there is zero info on what to do if you are one of those women who can’t — or who chooses not to."
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Una Healey talked latching troubles with baby two during a Hello! Magazine interview by sharing, "The day my milk came in I couldn’t get Tadhg to latch on."
The Saturdays singer went on to share, "I had a bit of a meltdown, sobbing, ‘It’s only been three days, I feel like such a failure.’ But I got a breast pump and expressed three ounces. The relief was incredible."
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"It was so hard. It became stressful because I really wanted to try and breastfeed him, me and Justin were up every hour of the night," Kimberley Walsh said while talking breastfeeding struggles as part of the AOL Original series, Being Mum.
"We would squeeze out the tiniest little bit of colostrum, syringing it into his mouth, just to try and give him what he needs. "
"I think there is so much pressure on women, breastfeed, breastfeed, breastfeed," the singer added. "I just didn't want to feel like I’d given up."
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"My boobs are killing me. I feel like my nipples are going to fall off," Snooki said in 2014, shortly after welcoming daughter Giovanna.
"With Lorenzo, I didn’t actually latch on. I just did the pump, so it didn’t hurt that bad,” she went on to elaborate. "But with Giovanna, I tired to latch on at the hospital and she latched on right away. So I said, ‘You know what? Let me just do this until I get my milk in and then I’ll just go straight to pumping, but Giovanna has been on my boob every single hour for the past four days, and my nipple is going to fall off. I can’t feel it! It’s so painful, but I gotta do what I gotta do because I feel like my breast milk is the best milk for my baby."
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Ali Landry saw her hopes of longterm breastfeeding disappear when her daughter was 10 months old.
"As a new mom, I was determined to ... nurse as long as possible, but when her teeth came in she started biting me," she explained.
"I talked to other moms, my doctor, and a lactation consultant in search of a solution, but nothing helped. I even tried hand-expressing my milk directly into her mouth, in a desperate hope that I could nurse without letting her little piranha teeth anywhere near me, but in the end, I decided it was time to wean."
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When asked about "breastfeeding mummies" during a concert, Adele took the opportunity to let her true feelings be known.
"You know what, the pressure on us is f--king ridiculous," the singer told the crowd.
She continued, "You can go f--k yourself, alright? Because it’s hard. Some of us can’t do it!…Some of my mates got post-natal depression from the way those midwives were talking. Idiots."
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