One of the most impactful things another mom has said to me was “it’s okay if you have to regroup and change direction every few weeks when it comes to parenting.” It was like those words gave me permission to acknowledge that what once worked for us, may not anymore.
It may seem like a no-brainer, but when you are in it, in the trenches, it can seem foggy. Sometimes a change of direction can feel like failure, when it isn’t.
This change of direction is something I’m currently going through with one of my four kids. My daughter Beau, who is almost 6, has regressed a bit in behavior since school started.
Unlike her older brother who, after a great conversation, can usually sort himself out, Beau can be a really tough riddle to solve when she is struggling.
From a very young age, she was nicknamed “Beau the destructor.” You can imagine why.
You can read more about Beau The Destructor here.
There have been many situations that I’ve needed to problem solve with Beau, and almost every time there has been a different solution. I’m not sure if it’s because we need to keep her on her toes, or she’s just human, but what can work beautifully with Beau one week, can bomb the next.
Which brings me back to right now: Although Beau was thriving during the summer, and by thriving I mean, happy, had stopped having temper tantrums and wasn’t searching for trouble, since school started we’ve watched some of her old behaviour reappear.
Being a middle child in a family with four kids can’t be easy. Trust me, I know, I am one. We do one-on-ones, and make sure we give each of our kids focused attention. But sometimes with Beau that doesn’t cut it.
You can read more about Beau being the middle child here.
For a while, losing some privileges, like screen time– especially for lying– was helping. But then she just stopped caring.
Once again, like I have done many times before, I felt like I had failed. I thought I had figured this out already.
But when I really thought about it, it dawned on me. She was probably mimicking her younger sisters, because she sees that they get results when they throw a fit. Aha!
I thought really hard and remembered that Beau has been asking to help me cook more. So I sat down with her and had a talk about maturity, and responsibility, and if she wanted to help me cook more she had to start showing me that she was responsible enough. I explained that a kitchen can be a dangerous place, with hot elements and sharp knives, but at the same time it can be an exciting and creative space. She nodded her head along and over the next couple of days I saw a new person emerge.
Now Beau is helping with every meal, and she is thriving. This is something special that she’s getting to do with me that sets her apart from her little sisters. I have been blown away by how helpful she is in the kitchen and how happy she is once again.
So parents, hear me when I say this, it’s okay if you have to change the plan. Parenting is all about problem solving, and what may be the answer one week, might not be the next.
We’ve got this.
Another problem solved… for now.
You can read more about our family’s journey on my personal blog, Nesting Story. You can also follow along on our vlogs on YouTube and Facebook and Instagram.
