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I want a do-over on my babies’ births

by Unknown , at 22:52 , has 0 nhận xét

I love new babies. Their tiny toes and tummies and cheeks. Their smell. I’d never change anything about any of my babies.

But their births? I wish I’d known then what I know now.

My first two babies were born in very large, crowded hospitals in Los Angeles. My second two babies were born in a smaller, suburban hospital in Littleton, Colorado. And the difference was night and day.

I had roommates with both of my LA-babies. The night my oldest was born, when it was time to sleep, my roommate decided to throw a house party. There were people on her side of the room until midnight, laughing and talking. At one point, a nurse weakly asked them to please keep it down, and everyone assured her they would…and then she walked away and the party picked up again. I know. I should have said something. Now, I’d say something. But then I just sat in my room, overwhelmed and exhausted, and cried quietly for a long, long time.

With my second baby, the hospital was overcrowded. So overcrowded, in fact, they weren’t able to do any of her tests or bath or measuring in the room with me after she was born. I held her for a few minutes, fed her, and then the nurse began wheeling her away to the nursery. My husband looked panicked, “What should I do? Do you need me to stay with you?” And I looked at him with crazy new-mama eyes and said, “You follow my baby!!” She was gone for three hours.

The hospital was so overcrowded, the staff ended up putting us in a pediatrics wing that wasn’t being used. They were flipping on lights as they wheeled me down the hall. Rather like a horror movie, actually.

So when we moved here, to a less-crowded place with less-crowded hospitals, my husband and I questioned everything. We took the hospital tour four months before I was due. We asked three times about sharing a room, and the nurse kept reassuring us I’d get my own and looking at us like we were nuts.

I know not everyone has the luxury of choosing hospitals and doctors, and overcrowded facilities and overworked healthcare workers aren’t something I can possibly solve here. But there are a few things I wish I’d done differently in L.A.

April baby

-I wish I’d asked about everything. I sort of assumed in this millennium, all hospitals bathed babies in the room with you and encouraged breastfeeding and let babies and mamas (and dads) have skin-to-skin contact for a good long time. Most do. But I landed in one that skipped that in the name of efficiency. Even if you feel stupid for asking, or think you know their policies, take the hospital tour and ask about everything that’s important to you.

-I wish I’d looked into alternatives. We lived 30 minutes from some much smaller hospitals, and since my fastest baby was still six hours of labor, we could easily have driven to one. And I wish I’d asked my insurance about birthing centers and midwives and doulas instead of choosing the simplest option at the time.

-I wish I’d designated an advocate. With our first baby, my husband could have paid a fee to spend the night in the room with me. I really wish I’d done that. I was exhausted after having the baby, and freaking out about taking care of him, and instead of raising holy hell at the people partying next to me, I sat there. I needed someone who was a little less drained to go have that fight for me that night.

But do not pity me too much. My birth experience for the last two babies was as calm and restful and lovely as births can be. I even got fresh-baked cookies and knit baby hats from a group of elderly ladies who provide them to the hospital. And I think it was that much better because I knew how good I had it.

 

Are there things you wish you’d done differently when you had babies? 

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Photos courtesy Laura Falin
For more kids’ activities and easy recipes, you can find Laura at Peace but not Quiet, and on facebook and Pinterest.

 

 

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