It happened. Last week we said goodbye to the last pacifier in our home. Having four kids means we have watched a lot of pacifiers come and go. But this one, was our very last pacifier.
I have been a believer in pacifiers from the moment I became a mother. I get that some people are against them, and I understand the reasons why, and I respect their opinions. But personally, I am a fan.
I would consider my parenting style as a bit old fashioned. What does that mean? Well, I don’t label my parenting style. Each of my four kids have wildly different personalities. Some require a bit of hands off, free-range parenting. Others require a touch of attachment parenting and one of them requires a sprinkling of helicopter parenting.
You definitely cannot fit my parenting style into a box. The difference between today and twenty-five years ago, is we have a constant urge to label, define and declare who we are, what our approach is and how and when we will handle each obstacle from the get-go.
I refuse to subscribe to that notion.
Today we have it harder than parents 25 years ago. We are constantly saturated with information and opinions that we have a hard time just following our child’s cues and our own gut.
I recently saw an article published my a prominent parenting website stating exact ages that children should be reaching milestones and kicking habits. It wasn’t a guide, it was a set of very specific rules. As a veteran mom, (which I feel I can describe myself at this point), I rolled my eyes, skimmed the article and read the comments knowing that they would be blasted… which they were.
Which brings me back to pacifiers.
Here is my daughter’s story.
Mia, my third child, who is also a twin, just turned two. From the moment she was born full-term and breast-feeding beautifully, I gave Mia her first pacifier, (or soother as we call it in our home). She loved it and found it as a source of comfort.
Her twin, Everly was not a big fan of the pacifier. She had one and would occasionally give it a suck, but she didn’t care too much for it.
Mia’s pacifier was an obvious source of comfort to her. But based on my previous parenting experiences I had her second birthday as an age that I would reassess the pacifier situation and hopefully be able to transition Mia away from it.
Well, Mia’s second birthday came and I started to do what I have learned to do with all of our kids; evaluate the situation. Here is what I consider when I am attempting to remove the pacifier, stop giving bottles, potty train etc…. which funny enough, all fall around age two for me.
Is my child sleeping well?
Am I sleeping well?
Is my child healthy?
Is my child generally happy?
Am I mentally prepared for this?
If I answer yes to each of these questions, then it is time to give it a go.
But I go into this phase knowing that if we crash and burn, there is always tomorrow, next month, or even in some cases, next year.
Speaking of next year, guess what I have learned… three-year-olds do really well with rewards and goals. So if all else fails, I know that when Mia turns three, I will do with her what I did in the past with my son and his bottles, and my oldest daughter and her potty training, make a rewards chart. It is magical.
So, what is the magical age to kick the pacifier habit? There isn’t one. It is whenever works for your child, you and your family.
Here is when and how each of my four kids kicked their pacifier habit. Plus, how we did recently with ditching Mia’s soother…
My son Holden, who was my first child, loved his pacifier. We were able to successfully kick his pacifier habit when he was closer to age three, but getting rid of his bottles was a little harder. Holden had a language delay, sensory issues and was generally an anxious child. These were all factors when I weaned him off of his pacifier. When Holden turned three, (and could communicate a little better), I made him a reward chart with stickers. He would get a sticker each day he was bottle-free. Once he had seven stickers, he got a small toy. Each week I would increase how many stickers he needed to get the prize until the chart wasn't necessary anymore.
My daughter, Beau, loved her pacifier. Beau was and still is not a great sleeper. Her pacifier would make everyone's night a little easier. But when I finally weaned Beau off of her pacifier, closer to age three, she immediately started sucking her thumb. That was habit I knew I was going to have to help her break. I was a thumb sucker, so part of me felt a little bad discouraging her from sucking her thumb. It was when she started giving herself a sore thumb with dry skin that she eventually stopped, which was closer to age four.
Everly, Mia's twin was never a huge fan of pacifiers. She had a few and would occasionally suck them, but as soon as we weaned Mia off of hers, I raced around and collected up Everly's as well. Everly has on and off had a habit of sucking on her blanket, or the ears of her stuffed bunny, which she has used to self-soothe.
Just days after Mia's second birthday, when I was picking her up from daycare, I noticed a tear in her pacifier. I decided in that moment that it was now a safety hazard and ripped off the nub. I crouched down and explained to Mia that now that she was two, she was a big girl and that she didn't need her pacifier, (honestly, I was winging it). She took this information surprisingly well. Mia kept the elephant that was attached to her pacifier, and after a few more conversations about it, really grasped the concept. My husband and I gave Mia many extra cuddles over the next few days, because she had this look of withdrawal in her eyes, and we were happy to give them. But now, four days later it is a non-issue. In Mia's case, she was sleeping well, happy, healthy and most importantly, can communicate and comprehend really well for a two year old. It was time.
If you would like to follow our family’s journey, head to my blog, Nesting Story. You can also watch our vlogs on my YouTube channel, Nesting Story.
