Having four kids means just when you have solved a problem with one of your kids, a new problem arises with another. My mother used to say (about parenting her own four kids) that it’s like you have all of these plates in the air, and you have to keep them spinning. When one of us was struggling, she’d refer to that kid as her “wobbly plate.” I have always thought this was a great analogy. In fact, my husband and I now refer to our kid that is struggling as our wobbly plate.
These struggles can be anything from separation anxiety, or struggling at school, to trouble sleeping, or struggling with potty training. The list goes on…
When I first became a mother I think I was a bit delusional. I thought that there would be an occasional obstacle, but I would quickly figure it out and then get back to having endless hours to prepare every meal from scratch and prep elaborate crafts for my kids.
Now, more than seven years and four kids later, I get that parenting is mostly about jumping from one obstacle to the next while keeping all of my plates spinning. Sure, there are short lulls of bliss here and there, and occasionally I have an almost Pinterest-worthy week, but most of the time, motherhood is problem solving while keeping our heads above water.
Photo: Joanna Venditti
It wasn’t until I embraced the beauty of it that I was able to shed the guilt and the frustration, allowing myself to celebrate steadying my wobbly plates. The next day I am ready to put my boxing gloves on once again, to jump to the next problem.
Photo: Joanna Venditti
Here are some of our “wobbly plate” moments that I cherish more than any meal I’ve prepared. More than the tidy, museum-worthy moments my house has boasted and more than any beautifully curated craft I have prepared.
When my first child, Holden, was young, he had a language delay. Initially when this delay and a few other struggles presented itself, it almost destroyed our family. We were so blindsided and consumed by this that we almost stopped living for a few years. I emerged myself in helping him overcome his challenges, which he has. But I also learned from this experience that losing myself and neglecting my other relationships while trying to help my child isn't best. I had to pull myself out of a depression after this. But going through this first real problem has helped prepare me for many more along the way. I am so very proud of Holden for not only conquering this hurdle, but also becoming a shining beacon for other children struggling. You can read more about Holden's story on my blog: With early intervention my child has gone from hating life to being the life of the party.
Photo: Joanna Venditti
When my daughter Beau turned four, my once bubbly, independent and fierce child became so anxious and lost all of her confidence. She wouldn't leave my side and lost the ability to enjoy life outside of our home. This broke my heart. It took over a year to really help her find her confidence and enjoy life again. I look at her lately and just beam as she is maturing so quickly before my eyes. You can read more about Beau's story on my blog: I regret having our four-year-old visit me in the hospital after giving birth.
Photo: Joanna Venditti
From the moment she was born, Everly, one of my twins, was our wobbly plate right up until she was eight weeks old. It began with her sudden drops in weight and ended with a fructose intolerance (which also afflicted her twin, but not as severe), which resulted in me having to stop breastfeeding early. It was during this sleep-deprived, excruciatingly stressful time that I felt my mind start to shatter. This stretch of time was one of the hardest moments in my life. But I truly feel like it has become a part of me, and I would never give away this experience. You can read more about Everly's story on my blog: Postpartum depression, fructose intolerance and why I stopped breastfeeding my twins.
Photo: Joanna Venditti
Most recently, I would say that Mia, Everly's twin has been struggling a little. Mia is a silly two-year-old that loves hamming it up and making everyone laugh. But unlike her twin, Everly, who has been fiercely independent since very early on, Mia has been stuck in limbo between wanting to be a big girl and still holding onto being a baby. Although I am perfectly fine with Mia taking her time, this has resulted in her being very attached to me and rejecting other people. I am giving her lots of extra cuddles and making sure I don't expect from her, the same things I do from her twin. You can watch as Mia recently gave up her pacifier on one of our latest vlogs: A big Milestone.
Photo: Joanna Venditti
Every evening, I lay in bed and replay our day. I think about the extra attention I gave to the kids who needed it and what I can do for them the next day to keep them moving forward. I also think about the kids that had to be a little extra patient that day and make a mental note to give them extra attention and praise them on their accomplishments.
It’s not a perfect balance, and I don’t think it ever will be. But each day I will get up and keep my plates spinning.
You can follow my journey through motherhood on my personal blog, Nesting Story and on Facebook and Instagram. You can also follow my family’s vlogs on our YouTube channel, Nesting Story.
