Amy and Jason Bowes were elated to find out they were expecting their third child in July of 2015. As Amy told BabyCenter in an email, she knew she wanted to invite her birth photographer, Andrea Frappier, to capture this birth as she had with her second, water birth. “Little did I know my plans were soon to change,” Amy explained to BabyCenter
Amy’s pregnancy started out like any other, and she and Jason were looking forward to their 18-week ultrasound appointment. “I was so excited to finally see that perfect little face on the screen and see that little heart beating. It had always been my favourite part of pregnancy besides feeling the baby move. My husband and I went in for the ultrasound, as well as my two older boys, who were very excited to see their new baby brother or sister.”
As Amy explained, in Ontario, Canada where she lives, the ultrasound tech can’t tell you if he or she sees anything abnormal on the scan, and instead the OB or midwife is notified so the information can be shared with the patient.
“Looking back, there were a couple signs that something was different, but until I received the phone call from my midwife the next morning, I didn’t think anything of it.” But that call would change the rest of Amy’s life.
“My midwife explained to me that they found something very minor on my ultrasound. She said my baby has a cleft lip. My mind started to spin. I had heard the term cleft lip and palate before, but had never personally known anyone with one. I had so many questions. The answers to my first two questions were the hardest to hear.”
Amy wondered, could she still have a water birth? No. The baby would have to be delivered in the hospital just in case there were any complications from his cleft.
Could she still breastfeed? No. She would most likely need to exclusively pump for this baby if she still wanted to provide breast milk. “Some babies with cleft lips only and no palate involvement are able to nurse, but basically we wouldn’t know until we tried,” she explained.
Amy says, “When I hung up the phone I really didn’t know what to do next. I felt so overwhelmed with the unknown. I knew clefts required surgery but really had no idea what this meant for my baby and my family. I turned to Google which turned out to be a very bad idea.”
Luckily, she also reached out to a parenting group on Facebook and connected with another mom of a baby with a cleft. “This was the best thing that could have happened to me,” Amy says. They talked on the phone that afternoon. “We cried together and even laughed a little, too. She answered all of my questions and vowed to hold my hand through this journey. She shared her experience with her son who was now 3, and really opened my eyes to what life would be like. She introduced me to an entire community that would turn out to be the best support system I could have asked for.”
The next few weeks were a whirlwind of emotions. “I cried a lot. I blamed myself. I knew that it wasn’t my fault, but couldn’t help but try to pin point what I could have done wrong. I was angry. Why me? Why my baby? I did everything right.”
The turning point for Amy was when she saw how many moms in her support group said their biggest regret was spending all their time worrying, and not just enjoying their pregnancies. “I vowed to focus on the blessing that this little baby was, and not on the cleft,” she told BabyCenter, adding, “In just a short time I went from so much worry, to just thinking of his cleft like you would wonder how much hair your baby would have, or how big they would be. I tried to view it as just a small part of what he looked like, but not who he was. In the end, it only made me want to meet my baby more and finally see and kiss that perfect little face.”
Here are the deeply moving images from the day Amy and Jason welcomed their beautiful son, Walker, as captured by Andrea Frappier of Northern Accents Birth Photography.
“When they placed him on my chest, I wrapped my arms around him and all the emotion of the past few months came out,” Amy recalls. “I just held him tight and just soaked up the fact that we did it and he was finally here.”
Amy says, “It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I actually turned him over and looked at his face. As many moms had told me I’d feel, I thought he was perfect. He was so beautiful. I felt a little silly that I had worried as much as I had.”
It turned out that Walker had what’s called a complete unilateral cleft lip and palate and was unable to nurse. “For the first 12 hours, he was fed through an ng tube, but was then transitioned to a special bottle where he still receives breast milk.”
In the end, Amy says, “My experience was not the one I had envisioned in my head when that plus sign first appeared on that pregnancy test, but this journey has changed me into a stronger, more well-rounded human being, and I thank God every day for choosing me to be Walker’s mom. He has been one of the best things that has happened to our little family, and I wouldn’t go back and change any of it.”
She adds she is so happy she had Andrea capture her baby’s birth, and told BabyCenter, “Walker will have his first of three surgeries, and I’m not ready to say goodbye to that beautiful wide smile. It may seem crazy to some but I feel blessed that we get two smiles to love instead of one.”
It isn’t crazy. It’s just love.
Thank you Amy and Jason for sharing these intimate details of your experience, which will no doubt help other couples who are in the shoes you were the day of your 18 week ultrasound, and during the pregnancy. And thank you to Andrea for sharing the stunning images that show what true love really looks like. I know I’m not alone in being very, truly, deeply moved.
You can learn more about Northern Accents Birth Photography on Facebook, and via Andrea’s website.
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