It was four years into our marriage before my husband and I decided to have kids. Why? Because I knew that being a good mom means sacrificing your life for your kids.
Let’s face it; it’s impossible to “have it all” at once. There’s no way I’d be an awesome mom who’s there for all milestones and important events while crushing the TV news industry.
After giving birth to my kids, I missed so many work days that I owned my employer money. Having exhausted all of my sick, personal, and vacation days, I remember feeling guilty for not fulfilling my job duties. It got to a point when I’d try to overcompensate for lost days at work by clocking in longer hours when I was there.
However, my kids wound up suffering because I wasn’t there to spend quality time with them. To make matters worse, I was exhausted.
I knew something had to give, and that’s why I decided to quit my full-time weather gig. Now I’m a fill-in meteorologist, and work-at-home mom. Although my husband and I have experienced a dip in our finances, the time we have together and being able to work part-time makes up for it tenfold.
There are so many parents like us who grapple with this same dilemma, and it’s become a hot topic within the BabyCenter May 2016 Birth Club community.
One mom opens up about a conversation she had with her own mother regarding starting a family.
“I’m having a debate with my mom, again. She keeps saying that once I have the baby, my life will be over and everything I do will have to be for the best of my baby, and I do not agree with her. I mean, yes, your life changes with the baby now being a part of it. But it definitely does not end, and I don’t think you should completely sacrifice your everything for the children,” she writes.
She goes on to mention that her maternal grandfather died when her grandmother was 50 something years old. They had two children together, including her mom and aunt. She says that her Grandma was a workhorse, did everything for her kids, and never remarried.
Grandma is now 93-years-old with no family members there to take care of her. Our BabyCenter May 2016 Birth Club community member says that her mom lives in another country and her aunt passed away.
I can certainly understand this woman’s concern. Her Grandmother spent her life working, taking care of her family, and doesn’t have her family around to care for her as she did them.
But, does that mean “her life is over?” No. I happen to think that she made sacrifices based on her family’s needs, and many agree with her choices.
One mom comments that she will “happily “sacrifice” all of those things – whatever I need to for my children. But that is what I WANT to do. I have never felt like my relationship with my DH is being sacrificed. Our relationship has changed with kids, but in what I consider to be positive ways.”
Another mom writes, “That’s part of having children. Your life doesn’t end, it just changes, and you find ways to make it work. Even without children, small occurrences can make your life change, and part of being alive is finding ways to adapt. It’s nature.”
The majority of those who chimed in agree that your life isn’t necessarily over when you have kids, it just changes. The key is to do whatever works for you and your family.
For me, that meant changing my workload so that I could be there for my family, while keeping a foot in the door professionally. Even though I’ve sacrificed my career, I’m content with how things have turned out thus far.
My children are only young once. I’ve missed enough milestones already. I know it’s a tough for some parents who want it all – the fabulous career and family. Many believe you can’t have everything. I certainly believe you can have it all – just not all at once.
You may need to take a break from your career for a while. But you can always return once the kids are old enough, if you choose to do so. You don’t necessarily have to sacrifice your life for your kids. You just may have to alter your plans a bit.
Does being a good mom mean sacrificing your life for kids? What sacrifices have you made?
Comments
Photos: Thinkstock
Stacy-Ann Gooden (aka Weather Anchor Mama) can be seen delivering the weather forecast on the news in New York City. But her most important role is being a wife and mom. She writes about balancing career and motherhood in her blog, Weather Anchor Mama. You can also follow her on twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram.
