My husband and I have four young boys. And, if it were up to me, I wouldn’t mind adding a couple more kids to the mix…maybe a girl or two?
It is no surprise that life with so many littles — and one of them with special needs — can get crazy. There are just not enough hours in the day to be the perfect American family. Some things get pushed aside, or completely overlooked. Forgotten play practices, fundraisers, homework, and library books happen.
And while I am usually able to embrace our insane life, there are days that I really find myself struggling.
Days when cereal goes flying, I can’t find any clean socks, and everyone has to go number 2 at the same time in a house with only one toilet…and all before we have to leave for school.
Perhaps worse than the days I’m crying uncle before lunch, are the times I really just want to connect with someone (and maybe vent for a second) without facing criticism.
I just want to be able to sit down after a long day of busing kids around while wearing a shirt I had no idea was stained with baby puke and whine wine a little…likes these two, my virtual BFFs.
One small moment has made a lasting impression in my mind and on my heart.
As I did some minor complaining to someone I am very close to, they responded, “You’re the one who decided to have so many kids.”
It made me angry. It made me sad. It made me totally shut down.
An online article titled Mind your own womb described how I felt perfectly. I will quote parts of it here.
Somewhere [there is a] woman: 34, five children. People say to her, “Five? Good lord, I hope you’re done!” And then they laugh… because those types of comments are funny. The woman laughs too, but not in earnest. She changes the subject, as she always does… Just another day. Alone, she cries…
Cries because she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it… Cries because she couldn’t imagine life without her children, but people treat her like they’re a punishment. Cries because she doesn’t want to be pitied. Cries because people assume this isn’t what she wanted. Cries because they assume she’s just irresponsible. Cries because they believe she has no say. Cries because she feels misunderstood. Cries because she’s tired of defending her private choices. Cries because she and her husband are perfectly capable of supporting their family but that doesn’t seem to matter… Cries because sometimes she doubts herself and wonders if she should have stopped two kids ago. Cries because others are quick to offer criticism and slow to offer help.
My kids are my everything, no matter how much I joke that they lead me to drink, or how many date nights or other things I might miss out on because who in their right mind would volunteer to watch four boys 5 and under?
I have never regretted having any of my children, and I don’t think it is right that some moms with large families feel they need to defend themselves if they are having a bad day.
And while I might not literally be crying in my coffee like the author of the aforementioned article, I do have to wonder why one loved one’s comment burned so badly.
Photo credit: I Mom So Hard
