By Melody Aguero
I was 19 when I found out I was expecting. I was just two and a half months shy of no longer being a teenager, but I felt as if I had already been an adult forever.
At just 20 years old, becoming a parent is fairly intimidating. What’s especially hard is having so many people constantly reminding me of how young I am. When I visited the local health center to get prenatal care set up, I was met with a mixture of disapproval and contained excitement. Disapproval from nurses/midwives over the age of 40, and contained excitement from those closer to their mid-20s.
Honestly, I didn’t feel very welcome there. I’m so often mistaken for being as young as 14. I try my best to brush it off, but it eats—at me. Why, merely because of my age, should I be treated differently for starting a family ‘this early’? Why do others feel the need to judge me based on my age when they have no knowledge of my background, my ability to conceive, or my relationship status?
Worse than the looks I get from people who know nothing about me other than the fact that I’m young and pregnant, are comments I’ve received from my own family. Some have been made directly to me and others to my younger sister, then relayed to me.
The most common comment is, “You should have planned better.”
Some people do all the ‘right’ things and still get pregnant. Maybe this “wrong time” baby is the only child they will ever be able to conceive.
For the record, I’m married. Our daughter is a honeymoon baby (wink, wink). And, also for the record, I work full-time and I’m in the process of establishing a home business and I’m going to school in the spring after I deliver my little warrior. My husband also has a job and is on his way to earning an Associate’s Degree.
Yes, we were surprised, when we found out I was pregnant. I had a bad run-in with some birth control pills last year, and it messed up my ovaries to a great degree. Everything I researched led me to believe I should keep my expectations about conceiving low.
Needless to say, this pregnancy was unexpected.
I’ve heard other hurtful comments, such as “Wow, she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Here comes another state-raised baby!” These comments hurt. I have just as much right as any other woman older or younger than me to bear a child if I desire to. I have every right to receive the best type of care from any doctor or midwife or nurse. I have all the right in the world to raise a child, because I am a woman and I live in a free country.
I don’t have all the answers. Frankly, I’m terrified to be a parent. But I know I will succeed in being a good parent for those exact reasons. We fear what we don’t know, and the best way to stop that fear is to learn more about the fear itself. Knowledge is power.
I admit, at only 20 years old, life is hitting me (and my husband) hard. but knowing I have a little girl on the way is pushing me to better myself in every way.
Yes, I am young. But age does not dictate the quality of a mother.
Any other young moms out there who sometimes feel the need to defend their choices?
Leave a commentImages from Melody Aguero and iStock
My name is Melody Aguero. Currently, I am due the week of Thanksgiving (Fingers crossed!). As of now, I’m in the process of starting up and maintaining a home business through Mary Kay in order to put myself through college this coming Spring. I’ll be studying Medical Coding and Spanish here at one of Colorado’s local community colleges. I have always loved to write and take this opportunity to utilize that throughout my pregnancy journey with gratefulness and excitement.
